Hey guys, so it's been a pretty long time since I have been on here.
 There have been a lot of changes, some good some disappointing .

 I was on a mission to get fit and healthy and to find a better  type of balançe in my life, and it was going really good for about a year and then my brain kicked in.
I know that should be a good thing that we use our brqin.. but in this way , no.
 I over thought alot of things and it led me to depression so I ended up becoming distracted and lost sight of my goals.
I sit here today trying to muster up the energy I need to get back on track and stay focused to commit to it.
 But it's been really hard this time around.
 I don't really understand CV the point to me writing to the air about these things, maybe it's just to release and finally submit it to the universe or something like this. In turn maybe the universe will heal me and give me back my drive to get back up and go again. Or maybe someone out there will find this and relate.
 Either way it's not inside me anymore and I have released some type of stress, and now I hope things will flip around and get me grounded in a very positive c way again.

sometimes things get in the way of success..its like the devil tries to constantly pull you down.....but like I said before....im a survivor....if I fall down....I get back up and try it again

so alot has happened since I last blogged,
my mind is growing with all these things im learning in school...oh yeah.....you are probably thinking ....hhmmm....school.......I have made  the decision to go to  collage......three weeks ago I enrolled into the institute of technology in salida California....I will be graduating in febuary 15- 2015
finally did it....and I could not be more proud of myself.
all that my life has thrown me.....im not a victim....im refined in experience....humbled by a creatore greater than any sin....wrapped in a blanket of love .i am.....molded to his liking...perfected as much as possible for a sinner......instead of hiding my face in shame ...I have that lil small voice in my head telling me .....I am  a seurvivor.....a mature woman in the making.....one who is strong enough to realize that it is with in my power to change the path I take....choose which fork in the road to follow.
I alone posses the capability to either ignore or allow the negative to influence me....

yes....I am truly blessed....I have ppl that love me ...and I have a god that works miracles and opens doors......and by trusting him completely that this is the path im suppose to take. and a lot of hard work...ill graduate with my masters in one year.....im sso exited

hello...haven't been on here to blog much....sorry haven't felt real poetic lately...no...not sick....in fact never felt so blessed ....thank you for listening

.pray for u ....that our love finds healing...that I come to realize how much more value a life has than a passing by emotion of anger.....to lose u..I...would die....inside.
u  have made my life .....real....the pain hurts less .......and I forget when im here with u.....knowing I have u.. ..mine.....u break my fall...I feel ....love... set free...alive...thankful
in moments of shame and discussed.....for who I was....all I have seen.....I fall to u....curled in a ball of  vaulnerability....my shadows exposed......u never flinch....no...not once.....and u love me still

Excuse me while I have a poetic outburst here ........
death....loss.....pain inside your heart.......gone  ....it chipps away at your soul....like pieces of you are being pulled apart....like ur heart is gunnu explode...you want to kick, scream, yell....cuss everyone for every little thing that you are feeling....going through....like everybody should pay for the shit you have been through...but we cant now can we....that wouldn't be fair....
HOW.....why....what can I do....to fix this feeling inside.....without all the...HELLO MY NAME IS DR.....BLAH, BLAH, blahhhh
I am not a quitter...I will not give up.....all these memories and emotions are mine......if the people that we love get to be mute....unable to speak.....for themselves....we speak up for them.
people have a bad habbit these days of ignoring things....putting them off ....acting as if they aren't happening.......  that they might just go away.
But I........no I....
I need you...I love you.....just the way you are....anything less is not good enough...there is no 1/2 love
making me 1/2 a person.....so ...I guess that just gives you rights to 1/2 of me.......which side do you want then.......hmmm?